Will's Apprentice List
by samfriz45
Summary: As an apprentice Will kept a notebook full of all the rules that an apprentice should live by. Full of humor and old jokes. First Ranger's Apprentice fanfic!
1. Housework

**Here's my first Ranger's Apprentice fanfic. Please review!**

1. Wake up before Halt.

2. Take care of Tug and Abelard before eating breakfast.

3. Have breakfast ready when Halt wakes up.

4. Fill the water trough with thirty-one buckets of water from the river.

5. Finish all the other housework.

6. Shoot 700 arrows in the morning.

7. Practice.

8. Practice.

9. Clean the house again.

10. Do not complain.


	2. Not To Do

**Please review!**

1. Do not think. You're only an apprentice, you're not ready to think.

2. Do not sing _Graybeard Halt _(unless you're content to spend a night up a very uncomfortable tree).

3. Do not ask Halt too many questions. He'll just ignore you.

4. Do not lolly-gag.

5. Do not defy Halt unless you want to the skin on your back... (Wait! Is Baron Arald around? Nope. Good. I can continue now) side permanetly removed.

6. Do not forget to do the housework. You're an apprentice. That's your job.

7. Do not become distracted when doing map drawing (no matter how boring it is).

8. Do not forget to draw the stream on the map (or just might lead your cavalry unit into a stream.)

9. Do not interrupt Halt (look to Rule #5).

10. Do not anger Halt (Ditto to Rule #9's after-thought. Trust me, you don't want the skin on your backside tanned off).

11. Do not lie (even if the truth hurts... literally. Stupid Master Chubb and his wooden ladle...).

**Some people had questions pertaining to where I got these ideas. My sources:**

**Rule # 2: Book 5; Chapter 8; Page 57  
Rule # 5: Book 1; Chapter 15; Page 109  
Rule # 7: Book 1; Chapter 10; Page 70  
Rule # 11: Book 1; Chapter 4+8; Page(s) 29 and 62**


	3. Tug

**Please review! This chapter isn't the greatest... sorry. It's full of real trivial stuff so any questions read Book One again. Hope you enjoy!**

1. Remember to ask Tug "Do you mind?" before mounting him. (And tell it to the horse not to me... ha ha.)

2. Remember that Tug _will _tug on your arm. Make sure when he does you're ready to pull away before he permanently removes it from your body.

3. Do not saw away on Tug's mouth with the reins. (It hurts.)

4. You do noy have to say anything when dismounting. Tug will not throw you off.

5. Only one apple a day (when Halt is looking).

6. When Halt isn't looking sneak several apples.

7. When someone insults Tug, insult them by telling them their grandmother could ride Tug, but not them (Oh Horace... Harvest Day... good times, good times).

8. Then watch as the person mounts Tug and is sent flying off (Once again: Horace. Good times. Ha ha!).

9. Talk to Tug (he likes that).

10. Feed him. But don't worry if you forget to feed him because Tug will be sure to remind you by tugging on your arm.

**A/N: I saw some major grammer mistakes so I went back and corrected most of them. **


	4. Trekking

**PLEASE REVIEW! This chapter was just something that came to mind. I NEED IDEAS GUYS!! PM me or leave it in your review!! PLEASE!**

1. You must pay attention to Halt during trekking quests.

2. Always keep your eyes alert.

3. You may only ask halt 3,591 questions while trekking.

4. Pay attention to Tug.

5. Keep your bow handy at all times.

6. Do not complain.

7. Do not complain.

8. Make sure you pack lunch or you'll have to wait till supper to eat.

9. Remember to memorize every animal track.

10. Do not annoy Halt.


	5. Gathering

**Sorry guys! I was on vacation and I couldn't get to a computer! Sorry and I promise to make it up to you with one great chapter. PLEASE REVIEW!!**

1. Make sure you have _all _of your arrows sharpened and in your quiver.

2. Keep Tug hydrated (also give him extra apples when Halt isn't looking).

3. Do not try to "suck-up" to your assessors. (You like where your face is.)

4. Remember to bring your Ranger knives _with you._ (Sorry... I left them in my tent...)

5. Don't be late.

6.** DON'T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BE LATE**.

7. Don't show off. (No matter how fun it is.)

8. Don't cheat if you value your life. (Remember, you _like_ where your face is. Enough said.)

9. Follow all Gathering rules (even the pointless ones).

10. Try to find Crowley's hiding spot (but don't tell him if you find it).


	6. Skandians

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

1. Don't annoy Skandians... you may be good with a bow, but when there are fifty charging at you... good-luck surviving.

2. **Don't **annoy Skandians. (It's such an important rule that we had to make another rule for it.)

3. Make sure a Skandian gives you his word... or you might be in pieces before you know it.

4. Don't let a Skandian declare a Vallosvow on you. (Enough said.)

5. When your life is in mortal danger, just mention Skorghijl (it buys you time).

6. If that doesn't work, mention that you're really good friends with Erak.

7. If that doeesn't work, try to shoot them.

8. If that doesn't work... you're a dead man.

9. Don't try to match them beer for beer. (You will lose.)

10. And if you're anything of an archer you'll avoid most of these problems. If not... well, you know the consequences.


	7. Fighting People With Battle Axes

Sorry guys!! Been doing a lot flying. This time I was in Japan. I'm sorry for keeping you waiting. As always: **PLEASE REVIEW!!**

1. Think back to Gilan's training.

2. Remember **not** to panic.

3. **Don't** run onto a cliff. (Bad things will happen.)

4. If your bowstring breaks pull out your Ranger knives.

5. Don't freak out that he's a giant, scary man with battle ax. (It's not _that_ bad....Yes it is.)

6. So, if you didn't listen to Rule #3 then heed this Rule: _Try_ to avoid his big scary ax.

7. And then for the people who did listen to Rule #3: **RUN!**

8. Now back to Rule #6: If you can't avoid his attacks try to fend them off with your Ranger blades. (To be honest, it won't do that much.)

9. If you survive this long give yourself a pat on the back. (Your extremely lucky.)

10. Now that you're about to die... jump of the cliff. (It will be less messy that way.)

**I hope you enjoyed it guys! It really wasn't the best idea. PLEASE REVIEW (like I'd let you forget!!)**


	8. Coffee

**Please review!**

1. Never run out of coffee.

2. _Don't_ run out of coffee.

3. Never-ever-because-the-world-depends-on-it run out of coffee.

4. And if you ignored Rules 1-3... you have a problem.

5. Actually let me revise Rule 4: you have a **serious problem**.

6. So in case you do run out of coffee (curse that little mouse who ate the entire bag!) go to the nearest coffee shop.

7. Now if they are out of coffee (which only happens on very rare occasions) then forgot all about the housework (the _only_ time you can forget) and ride like there's no tomorrow (because there won't be) to the nearest town.

8. Buy coffee there (and if there not there: continue this process on until you get your coffee.)

9. Now, if there is no available coffee in all of Arulean... you must go to Gilan (he _always_ has extra.)

10. And if Gilan's out of coffee... the world is coming to an end!

**AH!**


	9. Salt Peter

**Please review!**

1. Salt Peter is a git. He really, really, _really_ is. (But no offense.)

2. You will run into him on a daily basis. (How unfortunate for you.)

3. He will pester you on _everything_ there is in the world. (And I do mean everything.)

4. You will try to get away from him, but he'll keep popping up throughout the day.

5. Don't shoot him. (Although it be so, so nice if he would shut his mouth...)

6. Don't shoot him. (It's so tempting we had to make it another rule.)

7. Don't shoot Salt Peter. (Remember: don't do it!)

8. Don't shoot him, Will... (I really, really want to...)

9. After you get over the urge to shoot him, give him a piece of meat.

10. With salt. (This is the only known cure for the disease: Salt Peter. It will finally shut him up, if only for two minutes...)

**Okay guys I need five more reviews before I update! Come on you know you want to!!! PLEASE!! Because if you don't the story ends here!! **


	10. Wild Boar

**Guys, it's been almost 3 months since I last updated… WOW!!! I'm so sorry and thank you so much to anyone who came back and read it. This will be a good one, I promise.**

1. Never get between a boar and its food.

2. Never follow a wild boar alone.

3. Never try to kill a wild boar alone (it will always kill you first).

4. If you happen to come across a wild boar, while alone, **run**.

5. If somehow the boar is faster than you then you can break Rule #3 (However, you might die so use caution).

6. Never fool around with a bear spear (They hurt...).

7. Aim for their heart. (It's their only weak point, and the hardest spot to hit, of course).

8. Never go looking for a boar (Only bad things will happen to you!!)

9. Never show a boar how scared you are (This will probably be the hardest rule to follow...).

10. Just follow the rest of the rules and you just might survive. Happy boar hunting!!

P.S. Thank you for requesting this idea! I really appreciate it and I hope you like it!! PLEASE REVIEW.


	11. Wargals

**By special request by a number of people! Thanks for the ideas (and the reviews!!)**

1. (The most important rule) Stay away from Wargals.

2. If you by chance happen to break Rule #1: RUN.

3. I repeat. **RUN**.

4. Finally, in case you _didn't_ get the message. **RUN!!**

5. Now, if you're going to be stubborn... You should not try to climb a tree. (Wargals will just knock it over.)

6. Make sure your quiver has a lot of arrows. (You will use them _all_.)

7. Do not show fear. (No matter how hard it is).

8. If you kill the Wargal don't celebrate immediately. (When there is one another is close behind.)

9. If another should happen to appear... Repeat Rules 1-8.

10. And remember:**STAY AWAY FROM WARGALS**.

_Please Review!!_


	12. Master Chubb

**Special thanks to sparklie for the idea! (And to everyone else's ideas!!) I love you guys!!**

1. When planning to sneak into Castle Redmount do it at night (so no one can see you, obviously).

2. When invading the kitchens, avoid Master Chubb.

3. But, if you do happen to run into Master Chubb, make sure you have a helmet.

4. So, bring a helmet with you (maybe I should have put this one first...).

5. Now back to Rule #3, try to avoid that big, wooden ladle.

6. If you happen to have forgotten your helmet, do not let Master Chubb strike you on the head.

7. **Don't** let him hit you upon your head.

8. I repeat: **AVOID THE LADLE AT ALL COSTS**!

9. If you happen to be hit with the ladle roll away before he can hit you again.

10. Make sure that when you invade the kitchens you actually get what you came for (That would be important!).

**Eh, too be honest I don't think this chapter is very good. I apologize. But, can you PLEASE, PLEASE review?? It would really make my day...**


	13. Kalkara

**Please review. I hope this chapter is somewhat better than the last chapter. And I'd like to take the time to thank you guys for all of the reviews. You guys are amazing and I really appreciate every single review. I really wish I could reply to every single one, but my computer doesn't always let me reply so I apologize. To those people: Thank you so much for each review because without your reviews I would have given up on this story. Thanks again! You guys are the BEST!**

1. Kalkara are very dangerous (and scary) creatures.

2. So because Kalkara are dangerous (and scary) you should avoid them **at all costs**.

3. But, of course, because you're a Ranger, you _will_ run into them, so **be prepared**.

4. Do not look into their eyes (they're creepy!).

5. If you do look into their eyes you _will_ die (I'm sorry, but it's the truth).

6. If you actually _follow_ the rules, aim for their heart. Fire as many arrows as you can into their heart.

7. If you run out of arrows, get on your horse and gallop away as fast as you can (but, to be honest, you probably won't make it because they're much quicker than any horse).

8. If you are lucky enough to escape (which won't happen) just keep riding until you no longer can.

9. When your horse tires out, continue to run because the Kalkara are close behind (and will catch up to you very soon).

10. And remember always stay positive (because I always am!).

**Please Review! **


	14. Horace

**All right guys, what are we going to do with me? I feel like such a horrible author because I haven't posted virtually anything in so long. I apologize because I've been trying to update (and thank you to anyone who offered any ideas!!) but I just haven't been able to come up with good, funny ideas... Once again, my apologies. But please, can you review?**

Horace

1. If Horace is your friend, appreciate it with all your heart.

2. If not, pray you're not on his bad side.

3. If by some unlucky chance you are on his bad side... try to avoid him.

4. If he does come after you (aren't you the unlucky one?), and you can't avoid him, do not attempt to fight him.

5. I repeat: DO NOT fight him. RUN (or surrender).

6. But of course you'll fight Horace because you think he's just an inexperienced knight... blah, blah, blah.

7. Well, I'm just telling you this: You will lose (I mean he beat Morgarath for heaven's sake).

8. Remember: **DO NOT FIGHT HORACE**.

9. And if you do choose to fight him (although I told you not to), chances are you'll die

10. And no one likes to be dead.

**A/N: Okay, anyone who came back and reviewed this story, THANK YOU!!! You made my day!  
Also... we have have reached the 100 review mark!! This has been a goal of mine for so long, so everyone and anyone who reviewed: THANK YOU SO MUCH!!**


	15. Couriers

**Will's Apprentice List**

Couriers

1. First and foremost: Never insult a Courier.

2. If you do, remember they serve King Duncan.

3. Don't threaten a _certain _Courier (...Alyss...) because then you're going to have to face a certain Ranger apprentice (...me...).

4. Don't let their white gowns fool you, they carry a deadly dagger!

5. Actually, it's only for show... but FEAR it anyway!

6. Couriers are just awesome!

7. Ever notice how Rangers are guys and Couriers are girls...?

8. (Cough, cough) They belong together.

9. Yeah, so Alyss is _mine_. (Oh yeah, I went there!)

10. So basically, don't insult Couriers (mainly Alyss) because then you'll have to face me: the greatest Ranger apprentice ever!

-O-O-O-O-

**Please review!**

**Author's Note: So I recently discovered that my review reply hasn't been working properly for months. It claims to have sent, but in truth it hasn't! However, it has been working for some people... weird, I know. I deeply apologize because you take the time to review and I should/have been taking the time to reply.**

**My apologies!!**


	16. EvelynCassandra

**Guys, it's been months I know! You have every right to kill me, but please don't! Everything has just been so hectic lately, that I've developed a major case of writers block. So, I'm going through the request list and checking them off one by one. Please review at the end! :D**

**Will's Apprentice List**

Evelyn

1. First off, don't judge Evelyn because she's just a princess.

2. Don't believe for a second that she can't fight, because she can.

3. If you engage her in battle, fear her slingshot.

4. Don't think "Yeah, it's just a slingshot, how pathetic." It's not pathetic (It hurts!).

5. So, **avoid it**.

6. Remember: Sling shot **HURTS**.

7. Don't get on her bad side because she'll be Queen someday and she just might seek you out.

8. Only Horace and I can call Cassandra (that's her _real _name, and all) Evelyn. We're just that special.

9. If you are trying to woo her, get in line... (it's not going to happen, trust him).

10. Never underestimate her, and you'll be fine... unless you've decided to invade Araleun and take over. (It will only end badly... for you!)

-O-O-O-O-

**There you go! I hope you enjoyed it. This one was kinda of hard to write considering there isn't a lot of information on her (compared to other characters). Please review. **

**P.S. So, how did you guys like the new Ranger's Apprentice book. I thought it was pretty good. What do you guys think?**


	17. Gilan

**Will's Apprentice List  
**Gilan

1. Gilan is a former apprentice to Halt, so he's one of the top ten—no top five— Ranger's _ever_. In other words: beware if you're an enemy of the King.

2. I started out with the most important one because well… it's important. So you should know it from the get-go.

3. Don't mistake Gilan for a knight just because he carries a sword. He's a Ranger first and foremost.

4. So, fear him _and_ his sword. It's not for show.

5. However, you should fear his bow more (I think...).

6. Do not mistake Gilan's humorous side as his only nature (He can be very funny though).

7. He also has a dangerous, Ranger side… so don't make him an enemy. You'll be dead within a few days time.

8. Don't attack/hurt/insult the Kingdom Battlemaster, David: he's Gilan's father.

9. In other words, Gilan will come after you (so _run!_).

10. Remember: Gilan is a dangerous Ranger, so don't get on his bad side! (Unless you want to die… I mean it's your choice.)


	18. Temujai

**Will's Apprentice List  
**The Temujai

1) The Temujai can be found in the Eastern Steppes.

2) In other words, they're so far away that you won't find them on any Araluen map.

3) But, wait a minute... why would you _want_ to find them? (They're one of the most dangerous groups in the entire world.)

4) **Do not go looking for them**. (Unless...you have a good reason)

5. And I mean a **good **reason. (Like, you or someone you love are going to die if you don't go... or something along those lines.)

6. The Temujai have **never **been defeated. They've only retreated twice in their entire existance.

7. So, you're in trouble if you don't come with a strong force.

8. Avoid the Kaijian at **all** costs.

9. They're _designed_ to kill you (so you better be on your guard.)

10. So remember: only go looking for the Temujai when you have an incredibly good reason **and **you've brought an incredibly strong force.

11. Oh, and good luck... you're going to need it.

**PLEASE REVIEW! (AND THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS IN THE PAST! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!)**


	19. Jongleurs

By special request I have decided to write a chapter about jongleurs.

**Will's Apprentice List**

Jongleurs

1. Jongleurs can play a wide variety of instruments including the guitar, lute, and the mandola.

2. There _is _a difference between a mandola and a lute.

3. A mandola has _eight_ strings, thank you very much (A lute has _ten_ strings).

4. As a jongleur it is important to remember your songs.

5. It's just plain embarrassing when you forget the words…

6. If you _really_ want to make your playing memorable have a trained a dog.

7. I mean, _everyone_ likes dogs…

8. At least everyone _should_ like dog's...

9. It is also important to remember who_ made _your mandola, like Axel Gilperon.

**Please review! I love you guys! (Over a 150 reviews! YAY!)**

**A:N. I don't usually do this but... I've decided to write a new story about Ranger's Apprentice. It's called the Assassins of Araluen. Please check it out! **


	20. Crowley

**Hey! Another chapter is here! Please review and let me know what chapter you guys like the best overall! (Personally, I like the chapter_ Coffee_.)**

Will's Apprentice List

Crowley

1. Crowley is first and foremost the Corps Commandant (Danger Alert!).

2. But, don't suck up to him (he doesn't like that _at all_).

3. Crowley is _really _good at unseen movement (he's second best in the entire Corps).

4. So, be careful with what you say (he's probably right behind you listening, trust me I would know).

5. Crowley loves dogs (so animal cruelty is best to be avoided).

6. Crowley loves to laugh (so crack a joke to get on his good side... so I guess you _can _ignore Rule #2...).

7. Even if you're a giant: beware of him.*

8. He might make you a mill pony for five years by chaining you to a mill wheel.*

9. So, all in all, don't cross Crowley (Just don't).

*Note: In Book 5, Will learns about a Arndor of Crewse-a giant whom Crowley tied to a mill wheel as punishment for terrorizing the town of Crewse. **Please review!**


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